


A Mani-Pedi And A Chest Wax

by Wiccan507



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Humour, Kissing, M/M, Pack Dad Derek, Pedicures, Salons, Sexual Tension, Waxing, handjobs, manicures, pack dad Stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-24
Updated: 2014-09-24
Packaged: 2018-02-18 14:07:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2351156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiccan507/pseuds/Wiccan507
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was only one person on the planet that could go for a mani-pedi and end up with Derek Hale as a fake boyfriend.</p><p>And that was Stiles Stilinksi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Mani-Pedi And A Chest Wax

Stiles Stilinski had a secret. It was something he’d never told anyone before. It wasn’t like he was ashamed he just didn’t know how to bring it up. He could mention it at pack night but all the guys were there and they’d probably make fun of him. He knew Jackson would even if the asshole spent an hour staring at himself in the mirror before actually starting his beauty regime. Stiles had watched him do it and he still doesn’t understand half the things that he said. But it’s not like Stiles could just bring it up. He was about to bring it up to the girls once but then Danny had brought up that he likes to get a spray tan and they dragged him along to the salon every month. So of course Stiles couldn’t mention it after that because this was his alone time.

That was why Stiles was currently three towns over having a pedicure. He only did it once a month but he’d go to the salon and have a mani-pedi, he’d get his hair washed and then get a facial. No one would ever know and he always felt fantastic afterwards. Even if he didn’t have time for the other stuff he’d always make time to get his hair washed, there was just something about letting someone else wash your hair. It just felt so good.  He was half way through a story about Scott when the bell above the door rang out, his eyes were drawn to the mirror in front of him and he caught a flash of leather and dark hair. It couldn’t be.

“Derek Hale, I have an appointment with Monica.” Oh god it was. What was he doing here? Was he following Stiles? Wait he had an appointment?

Stiles was snapped back to his current predicament as Tony smiled at him and told him he was done and he just needed to go wait till Rebecca was finished with her client. That was the last thing he wanted to do because Derek was sat over there and he hadn’t noticed him yet and Stiles wasn’t about to draw attention to himself.

“Tony where’s the bathroom?”

“In the back. Straight down the hall.”

“Can you do me a favour and go distract the man over there?”

“The hot one in leather?”

“Yeah.”

“You meant flirt right because I am so okay with that.”

“I meant distract.”

“Is he an ex-boyfriend?”

“No he’s just a friend.”

“Oh good then I don’t have to feel guilty about flirting.” Stiles went to say something to the man but Tony was already heading to Derek and adding a little extra sway to his hips. Stiles managed to slide down and out of the chair before ducking behind a plant and then running towards the hall. He could see the hallway and he was so close to getting there but then he misjudged how close he was to the manicurist’s tray and he ended up tripping over it and dragging it all to the floor. Stiles apologised profusely and picked everything up of the floor hoping that maybe just maybe Derek hadn’t seen or heard the commotion.

“Stiles?” Why do you hate me universe? He pasted on a smile and spun around.

“Derek! What a weird coincidence.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Just scoping the place out. What about you?”

“Er…yeah suspected lead.”

“I got ya. I was highly suspicious also.” Derek was about to respond to him when a woman came over and interrupted them.

“Stiles I’m free now if you want to come over.”

“Thanks Rebecca.” She smiled at him and then made her way over to one of the stations. Derek’s eyes followed her and watched as she pulled out various things including clear nail varnish.

“So she’s one of the manicurists?”

“Interviewing her.”

“Right. Well I’ll let you get back to your interview.” Derek gave him and exaggerated wink and then went to walk away but apparently the universe didn’t totally hate Stiles because the receptionist came over to speak to Derek.

“Sorry to interrupt but the type of wax you wanted wasn’t listed so Monica just wanted me to double check?”

“Are you sure it didn’t say?”

“Positive.” Derek looked between Stiles and the man and then mumbled something.

“Speak up Derek I don’t think he caught that.”

“My chest.” The man nodded and then walked away to speak with a woman and Derek looked everywhere but Stiles.

“You know last year when you said you had a naturally hairless chest, I totally knew you were lying.”

“You so did not.”

“I so did. I can’t believe you get your chest waxed!”

“You’re getting a manicure. And I know you’ve had your hair done.”

“Whaaaaat? I have not.”

“Stiles I can smell it.”

“You cannot smell that!”

“I can smell freshly cleaned hair.”

“Oh whatever chest waxer.”

“Hey! It’s for streamlining.”

“You’re not an athlete!”

“I run.”

“Forgive me if I’m wrong Derek but I do believe that the way you run equals more hair.” Derek opened his mouth to retort but the owner of the salon was pushing in the middle of them and pushing her fingers against their mouths.

“Shh. I am honestly so unimpressed with the two of you. You have both been coming to my salon for a long time and I never expected this behaviour from either of you. You have disrupted not only my employees but also the clients. I’m afraid that after this display you’re both banned for two months.”

“But…”

“2 months!” The owner had nothing else to say to them so she spun on her heels and left them in the middle of the salon. There was a blush rising on both of their cheeks and everyone was trying not to look at them.

“Feel like getting coffee?”

“Yes, yes I do.” They shuffled out of the salon and apologised to as many people as they could as they left. This was all Derek’s fault. Why did he have to come to the same salon as Stiles?

“You know this is your fault.”

“How so?”

“Because this is my place. My peace place. And you and your chest come along and ruin everything.”

“I’ve been waxing my chest longer than you’ve been getting manicures.”

“It’s not my fault you are super hairy.”

“I’m not super hairy! It’s like a smattering of hair.”

“Smattering? A smattering? What does that even mean?”

“Like a little bit of hair on my chest.”

“Can I see it?”

“My chest hair?”

“I’m just curious. I’ve seen you shirtless before but never with hair.”

“Why do you care?”

“No reason.” Derek eyed him sceptically but quickly looked around the street before lifting his shirt up to reveal his chest. “Oh my god.” There was so much hair. Thick black hair covering his chest and Stiles wanted to run his hands through it. Just scrape his nails through it and…no. Nope! Not going there. Derek dropped his shirt back down and shoved his hands in to his pockets.

“There you go. Not a big deal.”

“You know they have…erm…like self-waxing kits.”

“I’ve tried before but it was too awkward.”

“I co…could do it.”

“I know how to give a manicure.”

“You do?!”

“Laura was really in to relaxing days. I learnt a lot about mani-pedis and facials and stuff.”

“Do you think it would be weird?”

“Not if we keep it between us.” This could totally work. And he is totally going to get to run his hands through that chest hair.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It felt kind of naughty. Not in a sexual kind of naughty but just naughty. Like in a sneaking around behind his friends back with Derek naughty way. Which wasn’t as sexual as it sounded, not that he hadn’t thought about that before because he had but they were always more naked. But this, this is all secrets and dark rooms. Well one dark room because it’s Derek’s loft. But there still hiding and being secretive.

They’d bought the supplies from a pharmacy before driving back in their separate cars. The pack was out bonding and they all knew that Derek and Stiles were not to be disturbed. Of course they were under the assumption that Derek was at a meeting in Beacon County and that Stiles was fishing with his father. Which wasn’t entirely untrue because his father had gone fishing…Stiles just wasn’t there. They’d pulled up outside and hadn’t wasted any time in getting inside. They didn’t want to risk anyone seeing them.

“I feel naughty, do you feel naughty?”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Do you still want to do this?”

“Yes! I mean…yeah sure whatever.” Play it cool Stiles play it cool. They were out of the lift as soon as the doors slid open and Derek was opening the loft and shuffling them inside. Oh my god they were actually going to do this. Him and Derek who would of thought. The lock being slid in to place was loud in the apartment and Stiles spun to face Derek.

“Dude where actually going to do this.”

“You can always back out.”

“No I want this. I want to do this.”

“So which one of us should go first?”

“You. Definitely you. I wouldn’t want to get wax under my manicured nails.”

“That’s a good plan.”

“So we should do it on your bed. So you’re comfortable!”

“Right.”

“You know I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“It’s fine. I’ll help you.” With that Derek’s hand was wrapping round his wrist and pulling him towards his bed. They were actually going to do this. Derek pulled of his jacket and keep calm Stiles. Just remember that he is a werewolf with heightened senses and he can smell your arousal. Oh god he’s pulling his shirt of and revealing all of that beautiful tanned skin. Heightened senses! Heightened senses!

“Okay so I bought the ready to use ones. All you have to do is press it on and pull it off.”

“I can do that.” Derek laid down on the bed and oh god this was a terrible idea. All of that laid out just for him…to wax. Waxing. That is why you are here Stiles. You are not here to do anything other than wax Derek’s firm, muscular, hairy chest.

“Just make sure you’re comfortable this could take a while.”

“You’re not even that hairy.”

“Because I got waxed a few weeks ago.”

“Oh okay. I don’t know how to sit.”

“You could sit over me.”

“Like straddle you?”

“Only if you want to.”

“No yeah I can do that.” This was all going to be fine, he just has to make sure there are no awkward boners. He braced his hands against Derek’s chest and swung his leg over his body till he was seated in his lap. This wasn’t so bad. Wow his chest feels really nice. So warm and hard under his hands.

“You ready?”

“What? Oh yeah!” He dragged the bag across the bed and fished out the wax strips. This was going to be easy.

“Tell me if I hurt you.”

“Stiles your ripping the hair from my chest, it’s going to hurt. But I’m used to it so don’t worry.”

“Okay, well I’m going to start now.” Derek nodded for him to continue and he pulled out the first wax strip. He peeled of the cover and smoothed the strip down over the top of Derek’s peck.

“Okay so just pull the skin tight and then pull the strip off.”

“Okay. You know since this is going to hurt…maybe you should put your hands on my thighs. You know something to grip on to.”

“Good plan.” Derek’s hands slipped up his legs and settled against his thighs. The hands were warm against him and he let out a shaky breath as they squeezed. All he had to do was pull it off. He gripped the end of the strip, pulled the skin tight then took a deep breath and pulled the strip off as fast as he could. There was a sharp intake of breath from Derek and a squeeze of his thighs but other than that he seemed okay.

“Shall I continue?”

“Yeah.”

“I still can’t believe were doing this.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“I know but we’re doing this behind everyone’s backs.”

“Yeah but it’s not like were having an affair or something. We’re just protecting ourselves. Can you imagine how the group would react if they found out?”

“They’d tease us mercilessly.”

“We’d never hear the end of it.”

“The girls would make us go to the salon with them.”

“And we can’t let that happen.”

“So keep it our dirty little secret.”

“Just ours.”

“Okay.” What could possibly go wrong?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

They’d met up three times, including the first time. Which kind of seemed like a lot but then that was over the space of three months, which was not okay for Stiles. Every time he and Derek were in the same room he just wanted to touch and see if his chest hair had started to come back. He knew he wasn’t the only one who wanted to touch because he had seen Derek staring at his hands. They were currently at Scott’s for pack night and he didn’t even know what movie they were watching because Derek was wearing a V-neck. It’s like he knew what it would do to Stiles. He caught Derek eyes across the room and then stood up. The pack stared at him and he smiled.

“Anybody want anything?”

“You might as well just bring all the snacks in here.” The pack nodded their heads in agreement, and then Derek was standing up and following him to the kitchen. “I’ll help you.”

“Okay.” Once in the kitchen Derek was crowding him against the counter and pulling at his hands. They had to speak quietly so that the rest of the pack wouldn’t hear them.

“How’s the manicure?”

“I’m gonna need a new one soon. Your chest?”

“I’m gonna need a wax.”

“You know the ban is up at the salon.”

“Well we’d need an appointment.”

“Or…”

“I like or.”

“You could come to my house.”

“I do have the stuff.”

“My dad’s at work.”

“I can be there at 2.”

“Per…” They broke apart and grabbed whatever they could as they heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen. Erica walked in and raised her eyebrows at them.

“What’s taking so long?”

“Erm…Derek was helping me erm…decide whether…I should bring in er…”

“Glasses.”

“Right! Glasses or cups.”

“Uhuh. Well I’m sure we’ll manage considering the drinks are already in cans.”

“You’re so right. What was I thinking? Duh Stiles. I’m such an idiot.” Erica didn’t look remotely convinced but she couldn’t prove that anything was going on so she just nodded her head at them and left the room. They didn’t say anything to each other as they grabbed the snacks, just carried them through to the living-room and sat back in their seats. Derek caught his eye across the room and mouthed ‘2pm’ and Stiles just smiled and nodded. A normal person might be more concerned by how excited he was to be waxing someone’s chest but he didn’t care. Because a normal person wasn’t going to be sat on Derek Hale tomorrow so screw normal people.

+++++++++++++++++++++

It was 2pm, his dad was at work and Derek was standing in his bedroom with the bag of supplies in his hand. They were standing on opposite sides of the room just watching each other.

“I’ll get the curtains, you get on the bed.”

“Yeah.” Derek threw the bag on the bed and started stripping of his clothes while Stiles locked the window and pulled the curtains shut. They didn’t want anyone to see them or climb in on them. He turned around and Derek was already laid out on his bed. He wished he could lick every inch of that body.

“You alright?”

“Huh?”

“Are you alright?”

“Oh yeah!” He rushed over to the bed and practically threw himself over Derek’s lap. The man laughed as he bounced up a little and settled his hands on his thighs as usual to still them both. Stiles dropped his hands on to his chest and smiled down at him. “Sorry. I erm…” Derek wrapped his hands around his wrists and rubbed his thumb across the skin.

“It’s okay.”

“So we should probably start.”

“Yeah we should.” Neither of them made a move to grab the bag or move their hands from each other. This was dangerous and he should stop what he’s doing because he’s thinking stupid things like how easy it would be to kiss Derek. But no he can’t do that because it would be wrong. Oh so wrong and bad. Very bad. Oh okay so I’m leaning down. He’s not stopping me, maybe he wants it to.

Derek’s muscles tense under his hands and he’s about to ask what’s wrong but then Derek’s pushing up and he’s falling to the floor. His head hits the floor and Derek’s climbing over him and freaking out in the middle of his room. If his head didn’t hurt so much he would be shouting right now.

“What are you doing?”

“Your dads home!” Screw the pain in his head!

“What!?”

“Oh my god he’s coming upstairs.”

“Get under the bed!”

“You cannot be serious.”

“Derek you are still shirtless we don’t have time!”

“Fuck.” Derek dropped to the floor and scooted under his bed; he grabbed Derek’s shirt and jacket from the floor and flung them under the bed too. “Ow. That was my eye!”

“Deal with it and just stay quiet.” He could hear footsteps outside his door so grabbed the quilt and jumped under it. He could just pretend he was napping. His dad rapped on the door and then poked his head in the room and smiled at him.

“Hey, I thought you were at work?”

“Yeah I was. But I forgot one of my files so I just came back to get it.”

“Oh okay.”

“Why are the curtains closed?”

“Erm…I was just napping.”

“Napping?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s in the bag?”

“Nothing.” He pulled the bag closer to himself and smiled at his dad.

“Oh my god Stiles really?”

“What? I didn’t do anything.”

“At 2 in the afternoon really? I understand that you’re a teenage boy but you could do something helpful. Like the dishes or hoovering.”

“Oh god…dad no! I wasn’t doing that.”

“Just please do some chores when you’re done.”

“Dad!” His dad closed the door behind him and as the footsteps got quieter he could hear sniggering coming from under his bed. “If you don’t stop laughing I will jump on this bed.” Derek’s head popped out from under the bed and he beamed up at Stiles.

“I’m sorry but I could hear your dad mumbling about chafing.”

“Shut up.”

“How often do you do it Stiles?”

“I said shut up.”

“Maybe you should buy lube, I hear its better.”

“I’m sorry _heard that_ , you sure it wasn’t experience from all those lonely nights?” Derek smirked at him from the floor and pushed himself out from under the bed until he could stand. Stiles pulled himself free on the quilt and moved so he was sitting at the edge of his bed.

“Oh I have experience, just not from lonely nights.”

“Oh.”

“Try not to think about that too much while you’re sitting on me.”

“Yeah…well…try not to think about me jerking off when I’m sat on you.”

“Erm…what?”

“Just get on the bed so I can cause you pain.”

“I didn’t realise you were in to that.”

“Only with you.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh shut up. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m still embarrassed from my father finding me.”

“Scoot over.”

“Why?”

“So I can lie down dumbass.”

“Right.” Stiles pushed himself further over the bed and Derek laid down beside him. He didn’t really know what to do or were to put his limbs because Derek was just lying their looking gorgeous with his eyes closed and in Stiles bed like he belonged there.

“Stop thinking and come here.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I’m tired. And I want to nap.”

“In my bed?”

“The pack is at the loft. And I barely slept last night.”

“But I haven’t waxed you.”

“Do it when we wake up. And then I’ll give you a mani-pedi.”

“Are you sure?”

“I know your dads at work all night so I bought facial cream.”

“We can do facials?”

“After napping.”

“You’re the greatest person ever.”

“Thank you. Now come here.” Derek lifted his arm up and gestured for Stiles to slide in to the space. Well who was he to deny Derek Hale. He pushed himself over and laid his head on Derek’s chest and felt the heavy weight of Derek’s arm around his shoulders. His arms were slightly squished so he readjusted till he could curl one up between their bodies and the other was resting on Derek’s chest.

“If I sat and played with your chest hair would you be mad?”

“No.”

“Good because I’m going to.”

“Alright then.”

This was fine. He and Derek were going to sleep together in a totally platonic way. Just two dudes falling asleep together while one dude runs his fingers through the other dudes chest hair.

Oh yeah.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

The pack was getting suspicious. It had been 5 months since they started this thing and it was going great. Derek was ridiculously good at a mani-pedi and Stiles swears that Derek was better than the professional he’d been paying. But regardless of that the pack was suspicious. He knew they didn’t have anything concrete or any actual idea about what was going on but they knew something was. And that did not bode well for either of them because it was getting harder to sneak away from everyone and have their alone time. The pack questioned their every move. And it wasn’t just around the time of their once a month thing it was always.

_Where you going?_

_Whatcha doing?_

_Who ya doing it with?_

_When will you be back?_

The constant questions were driving him insane but that wasn’t the worst part. No. The worst part was the random drop ins.

_Scott dropping in to borrow sugar when he passes three stores on the way over._

_Lydia dropping in to borrow a book she’s already memorised._

_Erica dropping in to train when she won’t even walk the two flights of stairs to her apartment._

_Isaac dropping in to see if he’s left a scarf when the thing never leaves his neck._

These were all the worst because it meant that Stiles hadn’t had a moment’s peace in over a month. At first he tried ignoring the texts and calls of his prying friends but then if he didn’t answer someone would come over. Under some ridiculous pretence as though he didn’t know what they were doing. They were trying to catch him in the act, hoping they could catch him with Derek. Well that wasn’t going to happen because he was Stiles Stilinski and this wasn’t his first lie. And maybe he was playing dirty but he needed this. Needed his time with Derek because they weren’t just hanging out for a couple of hours anymore it had become a thing. An overnight thing.

_“Hey Scott, I just wanted to give you a heads up that I would not be answering my phone today. So do me a favour and don’t send anyone to try and catch me in the act of something I’m not doing.”_

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“Sure you don’t buddy. Look the fact is I’m gonna be at Derek’s loft today because I just can’t be in the house right now.”_

_“What’s going on?”_

_“It’s my parents wedding anniversary and I just need to be away from the house.”_

_“Should I come over?”_

_“Nah. Derek was kind enough to invite me over for a Star Wars day to take my mind of stuff.”_

_“Oh. Well you know I’m always here for you right?”_

_“Scott of course I do. Just turns out that Derek likes Star Wars as much as I do.”_

_“Oh okay. Well if you need anything just let me know.”_

_“I will. Thanks dude.”_

_“Bye.”_ He didn’t technically lie because it was his parent’s anniversary; it just hadn’t ever been a problem for him. It was for his dad but his dad just immersed himself in work until the day was over. He looks up at the sky and apologises to his mom for using her as an excuse but that it was a totally good excuse and he knows she used worse when she was dating his dad. Not that he was dating Derek! He and Derek were just friends. Only friends. And he hadn’t lied about going to Derek’s either, he was just already at Derek’s loft.

“We can watch Star Wars if you want?”

“Nah I’d rather relax with a manicure, pedicure and facials.”

“We could watch Star Wars during our facials?”

“You’re literally the perfect man.”

“And I don’t even try.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Derek’s chest was waxed and Stiles was waiting at the dining-room table for him. Derek had run upstairs to put on a looser shirt and collect the supplies he hid in the back of his wardrobe. This might be Stiles favourite part of them hanging out. Sure he loved waxing Derek but he loved the way Derek held his hands as he cleaned them. The way the file scraped against his nails to shape them and how carefully Derek would hold his hand as he applied a clear coat of nail varnish. Mostly he just loved watching Derek’s face as he did it. The softness of his eyes, as he remembered doing it for Laura, and the concentration as he tried not to get varnish on the skin. He was practically bouncing on his chair as he heard Derek moving around upstairs.

That was until the door slid open and Lydia swanned in. Crap. She was beside him before he even had a chance to open his mouth.

“What are you doing here?”

“Testing out the cloak.”

“Cloak?”

“It’s a spell I’m trying out. It should stop us from being detected by anyone.”

“You mean werewolves?”

“Yep. No one can hear us.”

“Us?”

“It’s a vicinity thing. By being near you, you’re also protected.”

“Oh great.” Please don’t let Derek say anything embarrassing. Please let him see her before he opens his mouth. The sounds were getting louder and Stiles knew that Derek was heading towards the stairs. The man appeared at the top and he was holding a small black make-up bag in his hand.

“Hey you ready for your man–” He looked up and his eyes went wide as he saw the smirking Lydia sat beside him “…sage.”

“What the hell is a mansage?”

“Erm…Stiles can tell you?”

“I can?” Derek glared at him and jerked his head towards Lydia “I mean I can! It’s a massage for men from a man.”

“A massage from a man for men? And they call it a mansage? Who genders a massage?”

“Society? It’s the latest trend.”

“You know what. I know something is happening here and I will find out what.”

“Whaaaat? Nothing is happening here.”

“I’m going shopping with Allison and Erica right now but I will figure out whatever this is.”

“There is nothing to figure out.” She glared at them as she stood up and they both gave her the most convincing smile they could manage. But if her unimpressed eyebrow raise was anything to go by she wasn’t remotely convinced. They watched her leave the apartment and waited till the door closed before promptly freaking out.

“Oh my god!”

“A mansage!”

“I panicked!”

“You couldn’t have explained it any other way!”

“Hey! You threw me under the bus buddy!”

“You had more time to think than me!”

“Can we please stop shouting my throat hurts!”

“Fine. But it’s fine because she doesn’t know.”

“But she’s suspicious and she wants to know.”

“But she doesn’t.”

“It’s _Lydia_.”

“She’s gonna know.”

“We need a plan.” Derek dropped in to the chair Lydia had vacated and dropped his head to the table. Stiles dropped his hand on to the back of Derek’s head and carded his fingers through his hair to try and sooth him. The man made a satisfied noise and pushed his head up in to his hand. They didn’t make a plan. They just sat at the table while Stiles stroked Derek’s hair.

+++++++++++++++++++++

They didn’t have a plan! The plan was never made and now they need the plan! The plan was needed! The pack had called them. It wasn’t even under the pretence of a pack meeting; it was just Stiles and Derek we need to talk to you. They knew. They all knew and they were going to mock them. Oh god they wouldn’t understand. THEY WON’T UNDERSTAND!

“Would you shut up?!”

“I said that out loud?”

“You said the whole thing out loud.”

“Heh sorry.” They were driving to the meeting together in Derek’s car. His car was faster and they could make a faster escape. Stiles loves his jeep but he knows that he wouldn’t have even got her started up when the wolves caught him.

“Were should we run to?”

“What?”

“Well if they know then were gonna have to run. I mean I’d rather not have a pack than have Lydia and Erica know you wax my chest.”

“And imagine if they found out that you did my nails.”

“I hear that Himalayas are nice this time of year.”

“I have a two man tent.”

“It’ll be cold so we’ll need warm clothes.”

“Or we can huddle together for warmth.”

“Well if it comes to that.” Derek pulled the car up outside Scott’s house and they stared at it. The usually warm and welcoming house seemed weirdly intimidating right now.

“We could just drive away now and not come back.”

“Except they already know we’re here.”

“Stupid werewolf senses.”

“Gee thanks.”

“Not you. I like your werewolf senses. You’re my getaway partner so I have to.”

“That makes me feel even better.”

“Oh shut up. Come on. The faster we get this over with the faster we can go to the Himalayas.”

“Alright then.” They got out of the car and walked as slowly as they could up the path. Maybe if they walked slowly enough then the pack would forget everything. Oh who was he kidding he could disappear for twenty years and they’d still hold this over him. Scott opened the door as soon as they stepped up the porch and he just looked uncomfortable as he looked between them. He gestured towards the living-room and they found the whole pack standing in front of the couch.

“Heeey guys. What’s going on?”

“Please take a seat. We need to talk to you.” With everyone’s eyes on them they moved over to the couch and dropped on to it. They made sure to sit far apart from each other to look less suspicious.

“So what’s up?”

“We just want you to know that we know you’ve been hiding something and we figured out what.” Of course Lydia would be the one that figured it out. She probably sat down and called everyone to find out if there was any suspicious behaviour.

“You do?”

“Yep. And we’re okay with it.”

“Wait? You are?”

“Yeah. Honestly we all saw it coming.”

“But we didn’t even see it coming?”

“That’s cause you two are oblivious idiots.”

“Wow we thought you guys were just gonna mock us for it.”

“Nah we think it’s great. You and Derek deserve each other.” Deserve each other? What? Wait? That makes it sound like were dating. Oh no.

“Because…were dating?”

“Well yeah.”

“Uhuh.” He could practically feel Derek tensing beside him and well dating Derek was better than what they were actually doing. So he did what any rational person would do and linked his fingers with Derek’s. “How did you guys figure it out?”

“Well Erica told us about catching you guys in the kitchen a few months ago and then the thing with the mansage. And we realised that you two would conveniently need to be alone the same time every month. Clearly that was date night.”

“You guys are good.”

“We thought it was best to let you know that we know so you could stop hiding it.”

“Thank you. We will do just that.”

“Good.”

“In fact I think we’re going to just that. Because we missed our date night the other day so we are just going to go back to Derek’s loft.”

“Just don’t forget protection.”

“Right.” Stiles forces Derek up and he gives a little wave to the pack as he pulls Derek along. The man was still looking between each pack member with his mouth hanging open. “Derek, _babe,_ let’s go.” The man turned to look at him with wide eyes but followed him out of the house anyway. They didn’t speak about it. They didn’t need to speak about it. It would probably work better if they didn’t talk about it. They were just dating.

Fake dating.

He was fake dating Derek Hale.

Derek Samuel Hale was his fake boyfriend.

++++++++++++++++++++++

“So I hear you’re dating Derek?” Okay so apparently he and his dad were talking about what he and Derek weren’t.

“What?”

“Just a thing I heard.”

“From who?”

“Melissa. Who heard it from Scott. Who heard it from Lydia.”

“I’m aware of where Scott heard the news.”

“So it’s true?”

“Yep. I am dating Derek.”

“Since when?”

“Couple months.”

“Is it serious?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“I see.”

“Do not threaten him.”

“I won’t.”

“Don’t have your deputies threaten him either.”

“I wasn’t going to…much.”

“If you do I will restrict your diet even more.”

“That’s not possible.”

“Oh really? How do you like soy milk dad?”

“My milk is all I have!”

“Then leave my boyfriend alone.”

“Fine. But I want him over here for dinner.”

“But whhhhy?”

“I want to meet my sons’ boyfriend.”

“You’ve met Derek.”

“As a werewolf detective. Not as your boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry werewolf detective?”

“Well he might as well be. It’s what he does.”

“Whatever. Back to the point Derek is not coming for dinner.”

“I have to go to work.  And you have grocery shopping to do.”

“What for?”

“For the wonderful meal you’re making for me and Derek tonight.” With that his father was grabbing his travel mug and walking out the door.

Looks like Derek was coming over for dinner.

+++++++++++++++++++++

If he was doing this he was not doing it alone. There is no way that he was going to prepare an entire dinner for Derek and his dad alone. That is why he had drove to the loft and picked Derek up. Not that the man was exactly happy with this part of the plan. Since Stiles had had to jump on him to wake him up.

“Why do I have to be here?”

“Because I’m making this dinner for you.”

“Didn’t ask you to.”

“Well I didn’t ask to be your boyfriend.”

“Can we talk about that?”

“I thought it would be better if they thought we were dating than what were actually doing.”

“I agree.”

“You do?!”

“Yeah.”

“Well awesome.” So that was that. They had officially discussed it. So there was absolutely no problem with anything. This can totally work.

+++++++++++++++++++++

“What do you want for dinner?”

“Steak.”

“Something healthy.”

“A small steak.”

“Derek come on. I’m doing this for my dad.”

“I know. And as your boyfriend I’m trying to impress your dad.”

“Fine. What about dessert?”

“Cherry pie.”

“Derek!” He dropped his hands on to Derek’s shoulders and glared at him. If he was going to pretend to be Stiles boyfriend then he had to act like it.

“A healthy cherry pie.”

“Please be serious about this.” His hands trailed down Derek’s arms till he could intertwine their fingers and batted his eyelids a few times. Derek sighed but seemed to contemplate something before pulling him closer.

“How about this? We get the steak and have a lot of veg on the side, we drink only ice water and for dessert we can have fruit salad.”

“I suppose that could work. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now let’s go pick plenty of veg.”

“My dad is going to love you!”

“He already does.”

“I know. Did you know he calls you the Werewolf Detective?”

“I did not know that. I could open my own private eye service.”

“Can I be your trusty sidekick?”

“Will you wear an outfit?”

“I’ll wear whatever you want me to.”

“Oh.”

“Ha I meant like a work uniform. Obviously.”

“Obviously.”

Way to go Stiles you scared your not boyfriend.

They didn’t talk much after that. Both staying inside their own heads. It didn’t even occur to Stiles that he and Derek didn’t stop holding hands. They just walked around like it was the most natural thing in the world.

+++++++++++++++++++++

His dad had been glaring at Derek from across the table for twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes.

And there wasn’t even a reason.

Okay so there was a small reason of his dad thought they were dating but that was it.

Stiles was cooking in the kitchen so he’d left it up to Derek to make small talk which was going exactly as expected. Why did he think Derek would make small talk? It was like he’d just met Derek or something. The steak needed to cook faster. Why did his dad have to like it well-done dammit!

That was all he could hear from the dining-room. Wait can you hear silence? Because silence is nothing. So how can you hear nothing? He’s gonna have to check this out later. Anyway silence! Silence is what is coming from the dining-room. And he should know because there is only a doorframe separating them right now.

The steak is done! Thank you to all the gods!

He plates everything up as fast as he can and carries the plates out to the table. His dad is still glaring and Derek is looking everywhere but his dad. Great.

“Is that steak?”

“Yeah Derek picked it.”

“Then Derek you are more than welcome for all of our dinners.”

“Thank you John.”

Maybe this was going to be easier than he thought.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

It was not easier.

His dad may have been swayed by the food but that didn’t stop him from interrogating both of them.

_How did it happen? – To both of them._

_I thought you hated him? – To Stiles._

_Doesn’t he drive you insane? – To Derek._

_Is it serious? – To both of them._

_How long has it been going on? – To both of them._

You know all that kind of crap. And he and Derek had not planned for any of this. None of this was part of the plan. The very small plan but still the plan they had was a plan and none of this was part of the plan. Oh god he was freaking out. His heart was pounding in his chest and the anxiety was probably rolling of him in waves. Maybe that’s why Derek was pulling him up and out of the room. He pushed him up against the counter and his grip was tight around his biceps.

“What’s wrong?”

“He’s asking so many questions. And I just don’t know how to answer them!”

“You’re doing great.”

“Wait? Won’t he be suspicious that we just left?”

“I said we were getting dessert.”

“Oooh good. You’re a quick thinker.”

“Just deep breaths and everything will be fine.”

“You’re right. You’re right.”

“First time you’ve ever said that.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“So dessert?”

“Dessert.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++

They’d moved in to the living-room to watch a movie. Which was actually pretty easy. His dad had stopped asking questions and instead had just settled in to his chair to watch Lethal Weapon. He’d barely looked over at Stiles and Derek, not that they’d actually noticed. They’d curled up on the couch together, because it looked coupleier, and had been whispering to each other the whole time. Little comments about the hairstyles and the clothes.  They were so wrapped up in each other that they didn’t even notice the film ending.

“Well I’m going to go to bed.”

“Thanks for dinner John.”

“No problem Derek. Thanks for coming.”

“Night Dad.”

“Night boys. Please try to keep it down.” Then he winked.

His dad winked at them.

His dad.

“Oh my god.”

“I know. As if you could ever keep it down.”

“I mean…wait! Hey! I can be quiet.”

“Sure you can.”

“I’m serious Derek.”

“Stiles I know you and you’re loud eating curly fries, I can only imagine what you sound like during sex.”

“I can be quiet! I’ll show you! You and me right now! Let’s go big guy.”

“Sorry but I don’t put out on the first date.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know.” Derek pushed Stiles back and stood up. The dinner was over and he needed sleep. Sleep or jerking off. He was probably going to jerk off but come on Stiles just asked him to fuck him. It was a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

“I’ll show you Derek.”

“I believe you.” He was at the door now and Stiles was detailing how he was going to show him. Well at least he could add some realism to his fantasy. He pressed a kiss to Stiles cheek and headed to his car.

Stiles was still shouting.

“Just you wait Derek Hale! It wouldn’t matter how hard you fucked me I would still be quiet!”

“Goodnight Stiles.” Stiles watched him leave and he didn’t close the door until the brake lights were disappearing around the corner. He dropped back against the door and smiled.

“He kissed me.”

Oh god he was turning in to Scott. What kind of person gets all gooey over a kiss on the cheek and watches till his break lights have gone.

A sap.

That’s who.

++++++++++++++++++++

7 months.

That’s how long the pack thinks they’ve been dating.

When in reality it’s no months.

No matter how many dates he and Derek have been on.

It’s still no months.

Like right now there sat in a restaurant pretending to be on a date. And there still totally obviously not dating. They’d been here for an hour and all because the pack believed it was there date night. Honestly it was actually working out for the better. With the pack under the impression that they were dating they were giving them the loft every other week.

“It was really nice of them to do this for us.”

“Yeah it was. Don’t you feel bad though?”

“I would. Except I know for a fact that Erica used my card to buy us this meal.”

“Oh. I can pay my half.”

“What kind of date would it be if I let you pay?”

“A fair one.”

“You know todays the day we would usually do our thing.”

“I know. I’ve kind of been counting the days.”

“It’s in my phone calendar, under SSMP.”

“Stiles Stilinski Mani-Pedi?”

“Yep.”

“Clever. I know how nosey Erica can be.”

“She likes to make sure she knows everything.”

“It’s a good thing her and Lydia decided to become friends.”

“It would be so very bad for the world if they weren’t.”

“How’s Erica doing with her future?”

“She’s still confused about what she wants to do. I was talking to her the other day and she thinks she’s finally narrowed it down. It’s nurse, teacher or librarian.”

“A librarian?”

“Yep. She said they’re the backbone of society and truly the real teachers of the world.”

“She wants to dress in her most revealing outfit and terrify and arouse teenage boys doesn’t she?”

“Yeah but like in a good way.”

“Oh god. I’m gonna have to come over and monitor everything she wears. I love her Derek but I just don’t think that should be unleashed on the world.”

“I know Stiles I know. I love her as well but maybe we should try and get her to invest in some more conservative clothing.”

“She has jeans and I think she might have a jumper in her closet. But I don’t think she’d be too happy with us if we pick her clothes.”

“Oh god you’re right. Okay then we just have to make sure she knows how proud we are. It doesn’t matter what she wears while she’s working were just proud of her getting there.”

“Of course we are. She’s worked really hard. She deserves to wear whatever the hell she likes.”

“Yeah she does! And if anyone tells her different then they’ll have to go through us.”

“And I’d love to see them go through your whole protective papa bear thing.”

“Me? What about you with the muscles and the eyebrows. You’ve got the intimidating dad thing down.” They both laughed at their own jokes. The thought of them being like dads to the pack. That was so crazy, and so unrealistic. Their laughs turned in to shallow chuckles as they thought more about it. It wasn’t totally ridiculous. They did spend an awful lot of time telling the pack what to do and what they thought was right for them.

They really were the pack dads.

They weren’t even dating and they had kids.

They stopped laughing.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

After realising they were in fact the pack dads they tried to do everything they could to not appear to be the pack dads. So far the plan was not going to plan. The plan was not happening how they wanted at all.

“I just don’t know if he likes me for me or because I’m powerful.”

“Kira I’m sure he likes you.”

“Yeah but how do you know?”

“Because he’s met Derek. And I guarantee anyone that has met Derek doesn’t stick around if their just fucking you around.”

“I suppose he can be pretty intimidating. Especially when he threatens them with bodily harm if anyone ever hurt us.”

“Yeah that can be pretty intimidating.”

“He just looks so cute to me. Like the way he’s all protective and making sure nothing happens to us. He’s like a dad.”

“I guess you could maybe call him that.”

“But so are you. Just in a different way.”

“You don’t think I can be intimidating?”

“No you can be. But you don’t need to be because Derek’s got that covered. You’re more the sensitive dad. Like you know what to do when were sick or sad. You guys are kind of perfect for each other.”

“How so?”

“Well he’s super protective and would give his life for us but then he’s also got this secret soft side. Like when we were all super tense about graduating and he made cookies. And not just like one batch no it was all of our favourites and he told us all you did it. When we all know you can’t bake. But then there’s you and you take care of us all of the time but then if someone hurts us it’s like you’re willing to do anything to protect us.”

“We just want to make sure you guys have the life you deserve.”

“Exactly! You’re the parents everybody wants. You know the ones who are like live the life you want instead of the life I think is best for you.”

“Kira that’s ridiculous. Me and Derek are not the pack dads were just Derek and Stiles. Now I need you to help me with dinner.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s Thursday. And Thursdays are always weirdly rough down at the station.”

“Ooooh. So that’s why we always have Derek’s favourite on a Thursday. I totally thought it was just like his favourite day.”

“Why would Thursday be someone’s favourite day?”

“It’s exactly the middle of the week.”

“Right. Anyway dinner.”

“You guys are such a married couple.”

“We so are not.”

There not.

Absolutely not.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

They could have had a baby. They’ve been doing this so long that they could have had a baby. Neither of them have made any move to stop what they’re doing. They don’t even really talk about it anymore. Stiles knows that Derek will drive to a pharmacy out of town to buy their supplies and will hide them at the bottom of his wardrobe two days before they meet. And Derek knows that Stiles will show up a day before they meet with take out and they’ll spend the next three days together.

Don’t judge him. So what if they now spent three days alone. So what if it started off as just a few hours. They needed the three days. It was for the blissful silence.

Blissful silence!

+++++++++++++++++++++++

It’s a calendar that makes Stiles think. It’s ridiculous really because it’s just a calendar. And yet he doesn’t want to throw it away. And it’s all because of the little stupid red dots. They’re just so blah and mocking. He’s getting sentimental over a calendar for gods sake. Each little red dot signifies when he and Derek met up. Not all of the times. No those are all signified with little blue dots. Red for the naughty secrets they were keeping and blue for the public dates they were on. Looking at the calendar now, shows just how much time he and Derek spent together.

It’s a calendar Stiles just throw it away.

But what if you need it in the future to show your grandchildren.

Grandchildren?

Oh my god.

He does not want grandchildren with Derek Hale.

Maybe just one.

No!

Holy fuck.

What the fuck is this calendars problem?

Why couldn’t he just throw it out?

+++++++++++++++++++++++

He slammed the loft door open harder than he meant to but he was frustrated right now. The calendar was crumpled at the edge as Stiles clung to it and he waved it around in front of him. Predictably nobody knew what the hell he was trying to say.

“Kids you all need to leave.”

“But Derek was making food.”

“Yeah well daddy and I are about to fight.”

“Ew dude it’s not cute when you call him daddy.”

“It’s not cute when any of you do it.”

“Whatever man. We just don’t need to know about our parent’s sex life.”

“We’re not your actual parents. Now get out and go to Scott’s.”

“My mom won’t be happy about that.”

“I already called ahead don’t worry.”

“Dude you’re such a parent. You literally just arranged a play date for me in my own home.” The pack shuffled past him, all reluctant to leave the food that had yet to be finished. Derek dropped down in to the armchair at the edge of the living-room and looked at him expectantly.

“This is my calendar.”

“Okay.”

“It’s my calendar and I don’t want to throw it away.”

“So don’t.”

“No you don’t understand. I want to keep it because on this calendar I have every single one of our meetings and dates dotted on it. I will not become Scott Derek. I am not Scott McCall. I am Stiles Stilinski. The smart one. And…and…you suck!”

“I’m so confused.”

“Well you should be because I am also confused. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to be cleaning out your room and then not being able to throw out a calendar! Because I don’t want to keep it Derek but my own damn hands won’t let me throw it away. And my stupid head keeps saying keep it Stiles, keeeeep it for our children, keeeeeeeeep it for our grandchildren. Like what the fuck?”

“Wait. You want kids with me?”

“Who said that?”

“You when you said keeeep it for our children and keeeeeeeeep it for our grandchildren. Both kind of imply you want children with me.”

“Yes but when I said our I didn’t mean me and you. I meant myself and my sperm. They like to be included.”

“I have never used the calendar on my phone. And now I have date with Stiles on every other box and I have one recurring event every month for the next like hundred years or something. I won’t even have my phone that long; at the rate we lose and destroy them it won’t last past January. And yet I keep putting in all our dates and recording the days we hung out. And to make it worse I didn’t want to lose any of it so I’ve synced it with Google so that I’ll always have it in my calendar.”

“Whoah. You really don’t want to lose that calendar.”

“It’s got a lot of important stuff in it.”

“I thought you hadn’t used it before me.”

“I didn’t. You’re the only important thing in it.”

“Oh.” He could totally be embarrassed about this later but he throws the calendar to the floor and all but flings himself at Derek. He doesn’t fully make it and ends up half sprawled on the floor as he grips Derek’s shirt to try and drag him closer.  Oh yeah he was gonna be so embarrassed later. Derek just wraps an arm around his waist and hauls him up till he’s sat over his lap.

“You’re so ridiculous.”

“Yeah but you want me anyway.”

“Yeah I do.” The smile stretching across Stiles face is all it takes for Derek to press their mouths together. His hand slides to the back of his neck and they let out small sighs of relief in to each other’s mouths. Finally they can have this. They can move past the weird sexual tension that comes with waxing and mani-pedis. They don’t have to pretend that hanging out for three days is just to get away from the pack. They can now say it’s to get away from the pack and for fucking each other’s brains out. Oh please let there be fucking. The kiss was getting rougher as they pushed closer together, rolling their hips against each other and grabbing whatever they could. It was desperate and messy as they forced their tongues in to each other’s mouth. All Stiles could think of was the word tongue-fucking and how he totally called this. He knew Derek would be like this; hard and demanding. He’d imagined it so much but nothing could have prepared him for the real thing. The small moans coming from Derek when he tugged at his hair or his own soft gasps as Derek raked his nails down his back.

A loud obnoxious _fake_ cough broke them apart.

They looked over at a very embarrassed Scott standing in the doorway.

“I knocked and shouted but you guys didn’t hear me.”

“Well we were busy Scotty.”

“I could see that. You know if I hadn’t known you’d been dating for months I totally would have thought that was your first time making out.”

“Erm…well…we just want each other so much that every time is like the first time…”

“Dude that was surprisingly sappy for you.”

“Believe me I know. So what did you want because as much as you being here is putting a dent in my plans I am still hard. And that’s a miracle so either tell us what you want or Derek’s gonna blow me anyway.”

“Oh god. Lydia just wanted me to tell you that were celebrating her birthday at her house on Friday. And I need to pick up some book Derek promised her.”

“Friday and table.” They didn’t wait for Scott’s reply they didn’t really care what he had to say. The excitement of finally doing this was thrumming under the skin and they needed more, needed to be closer. Stiles slipped his hands under Derek’s shirt and pulled till the wolf let him remove it from him. Derek wasn’t quite as patient and just dragged his claws down the back, the tips grazing Stiles skin and sending shivers down his spine. The tattered shirt was thrown somewhere and then they were pressing close and moaning at their combined heat. Gods that was a good feeling. Stiles wrapped his arm around Derek’s shoulders and pushed their foreheads together. They panted into each other’s mouths and rocked their hips together. They were both so hard and their stupid jeans weren’t helping.

“I need to get my hand on your cock.”

“Oh thank the gods.” They didn’t bother pushing their jeans all the way down; just enough so that they wouldn’t get in the way. He bucked up when Derek pulled the front of his boxers down and wrapped a hand around his cock.  This was totally surpassing his imagination. Derek was jerking him with slow sure movements adding a twist of his wrist on every other stroke that had Stiles dropping his head and panting against his shoulder. A moan slipped from his lips as a thumb swiped over the head of his cock and spread the pre-come over the tip. He could so die happy right now.

Wait…

No he couldn’t.

He hasn’t touched Derek’s dick.

That needs to change right now. He pushes himself back and takes a few seconds to watch how hot Derek looks. There’s a light sheen of sweat coating his skin, a blush crawling up his neck and his mouth is parted as he watches Stiles cock. They are so filming themselves when they have sex. But right now he needs to focus on focusing long enough to get Derek’s cock out. He idly notices that the boxers are similar to his own and slips his hand inside. He wraps his fingers around the thick shaft and it’s so warm and smooth. So different from his own and he takes a couple of seconds to just memorise it. To focus on the differences so he can make his fantasy’s better. Not that he’ll have to jerk himself of anymore because now he has Derek. But you know sometimes he might have a lonely night.

They match their speed and it feels so good. There both falling apart on an armchair and it’s ridiculous but it’s not like they do anything the normal way anyway. Stiles picks up the pace as he gets closer to his orgasm, he wants Derek to fall over the edge with him. So he squeezes the head between his finger and thumb on every upstroke. Derek’s moved to suck a mark on to his collar bone and it shouldn’t be hot but it is. And that’s all he needs before his thighs are tightening and he’s arching his body up as he spills over Derek. He’s jerking Derek lazily but the man doesn’t seem to mind as he tips his head back on to the armchair. He brings his hand up to his mouth and licks at the come coating his hand like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. His neck is a long exposed line and Stiles just can’t help himself so he sinks his teeth in to the muscle. Derek gasps then he’s arching away from the chair and coming between them.

“That was amazing.”

“I agree.”

“Definitely something we should do again.”

“I agree.” They slumped against each other and decided that they would move when it got too disgusting to stay like that or when they were uncomfortable.

The disgusting thing came first and they just ignored it in favour of napping for a few hours.

+++++++++++++++++++++

There was no reason to tell the pack. They didn’t need to know what they’d really been up to for all those months. And if they celebrated their anniversary twice a year then that was okay with them. It just meant that they were pack free for three days. Not that they didn’t love the pack or anything. It was just being pack dads was really hard.

They didn’t stop with the waxing or the main-pedis. It was there form of relaxation and now that they were dating it meant massages were also on the table. It was good to be Stiles. Especially right now as Derek walked down his stairs carrying the bag of supplies. The bag that now consisted of more than just wax strips and Derek’s manicure kit.

Now it had condoms.

Three days’ worth.


End file.
